Miscarriage Due Date

As I was looking at my calender today, I came across a sight I thought I had prepared for: "Due date" in big, red letters.

September 4th, was supposed to be a great day. It was the day I was supposed to meet that little life inside me, but instead, I sit here wiping my tears, while being forced into reality...of our baby who never made it to my arms. Why is it that the things you love most, bring you the greatest sorrow? I will admit that as time goes by, your heart starts to mend, but the memory never fades. I remember it like it was yesterday that I was nagging Justin to read the baby books and trying to suck my stomach in for a pregnancy mug shot.

It saddens me that I am the only one keeping this baby's memory alive. I feel the need to fight for it sometimes - especially today. And it breaks my heart to think that this tiny life came to us for a brief while, only to be forgotten.

Although I don't think about what happened everyday, I still think about it often, especially on a day like today. But I thank Heavenly Father for the ability to heal and to see blessings through tribulations. I am grateful to Know that I will see our child again and we will get the opportunity to raise him or her. Although today is just an ordinary day for the rest of the world, it is significant to me. I will never forget that sweet spirit who lived inside me for three months and I am confident that he or she is looking down on me now, thanking me for not forgetting.

I know God has a bigger plan for us and it is only he who knows what is best for our family. I know we will become parents...Maybe not today, but someday. I don't know exactly what I was supposed to learn from this experience, but I am a stronger woman for it. Through this, I have gained a love for my husband I never knew was possible and grew to know just a fraction of Heavenly Father's love for his children.

Thank you for giving me something to come home to!